I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
