Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
