Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize