I accidentally had phone sex last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize