what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
