hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
