How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
