Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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