I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
