i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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