Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
bring money and cleavage
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
