i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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