If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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