Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
