: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
