I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize