hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
time to smoke my breakfast
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
