I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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