people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
