I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
