he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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