I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
