She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
