It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
