just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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