You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize