Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
