Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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