Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize