Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
