i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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