Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
