Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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