sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
