Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
