i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
