Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
