We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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