I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
