it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
