Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
