We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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