Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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