do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
