I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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