Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize