Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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