dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
