wanna go halves on a baby?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
