Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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