Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
