Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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