You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
