I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
