it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Couch. On fire.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
