she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
