I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize