me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
