plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
