Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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