So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
