yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
