goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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