Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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