how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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