...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
