the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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