We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
