when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
