i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So much rum. So many feels.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
