she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
