I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
