sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
