I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
