You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
